Some days, I feel totally integrated into life in France. Other times, I am acutely aware of my "outlander" status, like the time last Christmas when we bought a little Christmas shrub and I asked the salesman how we were supposed to water it since the trunk was stuck in a block of wood. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "But the tree is dead! Why would you want to water it?" I tried to explain to him that watering a cut tree keeps it greener longer and that it was like flowers in a vase, but there was no convincing him; he thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard! As I go around my daily life in France, there are some things I just can't get my head around. Here are my top 6 daily mysteries of living in France and among the French:
1.) What’s up with the pink toilet paper?
Not all toilet paper (or "butt paper" as you might say in French) is pink in France, but it often is. This mystery continues to befuddle me. Why pink?
2.) Why do the French cook their veggies to oblivion?
How do you like your green beans? Al dente or mushy? This one took me a while to catch onto. At first I thought it was surely in my head. Finally, after a year of living in France, I asked a French friend of mine who has lived in the States if she noticed a difference in how well vegetables are cooked in our respective countries. “Yes!” she exclaimed, “You guys hardly cook your vegetables at all!” When I asked Nico why this was, he looked at me askance and replied, “Why do you guys overcook your steaks and burgers?” Touché! Interesting difference: in France, beef is cooked far less whereas vegetables are cooked to oblivion; in the States, the exact opposite is generally true.
3.) If the French are so proud of their rich language and literary heritage, why do they use so many English words in everyday life?
Case in point: the class schedule at my gym is a veritable mish-mash of French and English! Kids? Biking? Cross training? Not to mention all of the times I hear, “Yes!” or “Go!” on a nearly daily basis.
4.) Why are the French always right?
In my experience, the French love a good debate or any opportunity to express their opinions. The other day, I was waiting in line in the corner store to buy bus tickets when the man in front of me asked the saleswoman for a certain newspaper. “We don’t carry that newspaper, Monsieur,” she answered.
“What?” he boomed, “But I bought it here just last week.”
“Well, Monsieur, I can assure you that we have never carried that newspaper.”
“But I’m telling you that I bought it here!”
And they kept going back and forth like a tennis match as I looked on wide-eyed. Finally, the man stormed out of the store and from down the road, could be heard exclaiming to no one in particular, “I bought it there last week!” To this, the woman turned to me and said firmly, “We have never carried that newspaper.”
5.) The “H” conundrum: Anna Howell or Hannah Owl?
One of the first things you learn in French class is that you don’t pronounce the “H” in French. For example, “hip hop” is pronounced eep-op. That’s easy enough to get your head around: no “H” sounds, got it. The weird part is that when speaking English, in addition to not pronouncing existing “H” sounds, French speakers sometimes insert non-existent “H” sounds before vowels. For example, instead of pronouncing my name like Anna Howell, a French speaker in English mode might insert a non-existent H in front of my first name and delete the existing H in my last name: Hannah Owl. Why? Beats me!
6.) What whack job came up with the numbers 70-99 in French?
Up until 70, numbers in French work generally as one would expect. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty… And this is where things get weird: sixty-ten for 70, four-twenties for 80, and (brace yourselves!) four-twenties-ten for 90. Say what?! In other francophone countries such as Switzerland or Belgium, those sensible French speakers have a word for “seventy,” “eighty,” and “ninety” instead of this acrobatic system. The best part is that many (most?) Frenchies I’ve met think that the Belgians or Swiss are FUNNY or CUTE for using a single word for 70, 80, and 90 and seem quite confused when I try to explain that it isn’t funny or cute at all; it’s logical!
Some people may spend their days discovering new planets or thinking deep thoughts, but what I really want to know is, "Why the pink toilet paper?! Why?"
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