Smiling at Strangers

It was a gray morning in Poitiers and I was admittedly a little tired and grumpy as I walked across the cobblestones to the bus stop. A young woman was already waiting there and as I walked up, she smiled at me. A real smile. With teeth. This anomaly set off a rapid series of questions in my brain ending with, “Why is she smiling at me? I don’t know her.” I awkwardly twitched my lips at her and as I turned to face the road so she couldn’t smile at me anymore, my American brain kicked in: “My God, I’m acting French!”

How do you react when a stranger smiles at you? Unlike most Americans, the French meet a stranger’s smile with stone-faced perplexity: Do I know that person? Do I have spinach in my teeth? What does he/she want from me?

Now, let me set a few things straight since the French often get a bad rep for friendliness. According to French social etiquette, it is perfectly normal and polite to say, “Bonjour,” when entering a store, for example, and “Au revoir, merci,” upon exiting. If the woman at the bus stop had said, “Bonjour,” I would have thought nothing of replying in kind. This is not to say that the French never smile at strangers. Looking around, I see plenty of strangers exchanging smiles in places like the pharmacy or the grocery store. The difference is that the smile occurs once contact has been established. You don’t just go around smiling at random people in the street like some kind of lunatic. In France, respecting personal boundaries IS polite.

Upon arriving in the United States, I often need a short adjustment period to get back into the American swing of things. If the flight crew is American, this process begins during the 9-hour flight: “Hi sweetie! Oh, I just love your necklace! Chicken or pasta?” Sometimes the shift takes place at customs with an exuberant, “Hi there, how are you today?” On one occasion, I actually caught myself staring blankly at the American customs officer who had just complimented my travelling dress.

Considered in this light, one might almost say that the French are like cats: somewhat prone to being a bit prickly, but friendly on their own terms. If the French generally are akin to cats in this respect, the American stereotype immediately brings dogs to mind: friendly and trusting with few personal boundaries (the proof being that they never fail to sniff one another’s bums – dogs that is). This is obviously a major generalization; after all, there are plenty of cat-like dogs and dog-like cats in this world!